Taking Over Me

*What Song by Evanescence are You?*
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An Update...
(10/20/03)
And now for an update. I have the results from my test that i had gotten a month ago, i just neglected to post an update with them. well here it goes. everything came back negative this time. so i am all set and don't have anything to worry about until next year rolls around and that nice little manditory doc visit rolls around again. so to those that have shown me support through this, i thank you for it. well thats all.

Worries...
(9/02/03)
Thoughts and insecurities pass through my mind as i sit here, when faced with the thought of my own short mortality and the thought that i might lose the ability to bear children scares me to death. i don't want to die in the next five years or so, nor do i want to face the thought that i might lose the ability to bear children of my own, but that thought will be with me for atleast the rest of this week, or until i find out the results of my test i had last week, which was a follow up of one that i had a few months ago that came back with abnormal cell growth, which if this test comes back the same, then i have the risk that it could be cancer, namely cervical cancer. so if that is the case i will have to have whatever growths maybe there, even if they aren't cancerous, i still run the risk of losing my ability to bear children, and an 85% chance that i could have a reaccurence(sp?)of it and it could be cancer and i could only live another like 5 years. i hope that never happens, but i have to say this, my one wish is that if the test does come back positive, that i am able to surive this and to be lucky enough to have the chance to be married and have children, before that ability is robbed from me, because it would break my heart to have that ability taken away from me before i ever have the chance to be married. i'm so scared and i feel so lost right now, i don't know what to do, or what to think. i want to know what the test results are, but also i don't want to know what they are, because i am so scared that they will be something bad and that i will lose everything that i hold dear. i just need a shoulder to cry on if need be, or a hug right now. i don't know what else to say right now. well thats all.
~Archangel Shinigami

MEOW!

You're A Neko (Cat)! Meow! You love acting like a cat, because you ARE
part cat! How did this come to be? I have no
idea! But yay for you! You're playful and
happy. You love being spoiled and pampered,
but you have a vicious side too.

What Type Of Anime Character Are You?
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Wheeeeeee!!!!
creative: you are an individual at school and thats
why your friends all think you're amazing. you
offer a shoulder to cry on when people need on,
you give good advice and overall a very good
friend. you enjoy being in the company of
others, particularly those closest to you and
sometimes depend on your friends too much. but
apart from being dependent, you can mostly make
it on your own and excel over others. you are
fun, good natured and a great person to be
around!

what kind of girl are you?
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Your: Wondering eyes. Your not quite focused and
your quite the day dreamer. Your a bit odd and
as many say "Your head is in the
clouds."

What type of eyes do you have?
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You are quite dirty minded, and a lot of things, no
matter how innocent send you mind in the wrong
direction.. although, it is most likely that
you will not act on your thoughts..

How Perverted are you?
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Missionary Style! You are what is considered "normal" you
are not very dominant unless you are the male.

What Sexual Position are You?
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regular, plain old sex-- boring to some, yet you
seem to love it. hey, do whatever pleases you!
(and of course your significant other)

What type of SEX do You enjoy?
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oh no my secret is out... tee hee hee :P

Threat rating: extremely low. You may think you can
subvert the government, but if you should try
you will be smited mightily because God likes
us best.

What threat to the Bush administration are you?
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You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.

What kind of kiss are you?
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an update... or as much of one can be when the person has a headache... ^.^;;
(7/2/03)
As i sit here and think (with a major headache going on)why i still do somethings, like read the blogs/journals of those that now hate me, and then end up venting on them sometimes. well it is because i still want to be friends with them, well atleast that is what part of my mind is saying. but i can't have them as friends if they don't want me, and they believe lies that were spread about me. i left my friends and the morning gathering around a table at school, because someone that i at one time called my friend and my mistress, believed that i was saying stuff about her,(and i wasn't, it was someone else that hated me that was spreading the stuff.)i left that day when i heard that because it hurt me so badly to hear that one of my friends believed that i would do something like that, it hurt so badly that i was in tears, that i had to be comforted by one of my guy friends. that sadness eventually turned into anger because no one wanted to believe that i was telling the truth. so i gave my friends a semi-temporary vacation from me, and when they still didn't believe me, then i broke most of the ties between me and the table as a whole, i would still talk to those that believed me later in the day, but that was it. it seemed that i was kinda forced to find a new group of friends and such, and i did that, but i also found a boyfriend as well. and i spent the last 6 months of high school mostly away from my "Friends" that i once had, giving them time away from me, and i spent more and more time with my boyfriend and my friends that i gained from meeting him. do i regret the comments that i have said on steph's blog? no and yes, but that is just me finally speaking my mind more and more, if there is something that i don't like about something you've done, i'll tell you straight up, i won't keep it to myself anymore, and let it fester up in my mind and stress me out. i still want to be friends with the old gang, but if they don't want me back, then fine if that is the way that they feel, i can't do anything about it so i won't worry about it. there i have rambled on about everything that i do/have done, to an extent. so i don't know what more to say, but that i still wish that i was still friends with Courtney and Stephanie. but it is now up to them to decide what they want to do with what i have said, how i have changed. so if you see this and change your mind and not hate me, because i don't hate either of you, i just dislike the things that you have done to hurt me. well that is all,let those that wanna read this read it, and do whatever you decide to do with all that i have said.
~Archangel Shinigami

Challange to those that hate me...
(6/28/03)
To all those that hate me or just don't like my comments on steph's blog. (i'm just getting in retalliation for her saying all those mean and nasty things about me before school ended and telling the truth of my personal feelings that i'm now getting into the open.)If you hate me or dislike me, that's fine. It is your opinion and there is nothing that i can do to change it. I'm completely tired of keeping some of my feelings inside so that i fit into the mold that i thought my friends wanted, the goody-two-shoes good girl kinda thing. So in saying that if you want to still be my friend and accept me and my speaking my mind sometimes, then go right ahead and talk to me, and if you hate me, feel free to find me and take your best shot at me, see if you can hurt me, fists only though. anything else would be cheating. i don't know what else that i should say. i have spoken my mind and i DO NOT regret anything that i have said in the past 7 months. so nyah! :P
~Archangel Shinigami

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggghhhhhhhtttttttt.....

Happy Deathday!
Your name:	Archangel Shinigami
You will die on:	Saturday, February 9, 2019
You will die of:	Fall Down Stairs
Username:
Created by Quill

Things that are coming... and something that just might show my personality...
(6/18/03)
I'm here for an update... i have decided that i am indeed an Archangel, and someone has told me so. :P um.. on to other things... my grad party is comming up on sat and i'm hoping that we have room in our driveway for all of the cars (there might be as many as 70 ppl coming)... um i have also stumbled on something when i was looking up anime stuff... maybe this will explain my personality atleast somewhat.
Type B
People with Type B Blood are curious about and interested in everything. That's may be good, but they also tend to have too many interests and hobbies, and they tend to get all excited about something suddenly and then later drop it again just as quickly. But they do manage to know which of their many interests or loved ones are the ones that are really important, the ones they should hold on to. B Types tend to excel in things rather than just be average. But they tend to be so involved in their own world or become so carried away with something that they neglect other things. They have the image of being bright and cheerful, full of energy and enthusiasm, but some people think that they are really quite different on the inside. And it can also be said about them that they don't really want to have much real contact with others.
maybe this is me or maybe not. i'm not 100% for sure on it yet. oh well that is about all that i have to say in this update. so... um.. solong.. Archangel Shinigami signing out.

Oh Dear... It has happened... ^.^;
it is official...
(6/9/03)


You're giddy with the ddr lovin' when you play, just be careful not to drown in all the social drama surrounding the game.
Are you overly obsessed with Dance Dance Revolution?
Created by ptocheia


Come take the Comprehensive DDR Personality Test!
Created by ptocheia

good time for an update....maybe ^.^;

(6/2/03)
Uh I guess that it is time that I get off my butt and update this damn thing, hehehe now that i have the time to do so. well um... prom was amazing, it was the best night of my life and i wish that i can do it all again next year. um... i'm now fully out of high school, though in some respects i kinda wish that i was still there. i have a great boyfriend (of now six months, soon seven) and i don't ever want to lose all that i have, because if i did i am afraid that i would be lost without him, i mean really lost. my mind and heart has been so much clearer now that i have him in my life, and i don't ever want to lose that. well i don't have much more to say and if anyone that sees this has a problem with me talking about my boyfriend they can kiss my big, cute white ass. :P that's all.
J-chan

You are Ifrit! You're a mainstay in everyone's
party, even if you do have a breath problem.
Ever steadfast, you reduce all but the toughest
(or flame-retardant) foes to a pile of ash in
moments.

What Final Fantasy summon are you?
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More Quizes!
(5/11/03)

Quiz Title


What Shoujo Cutie Are You?
What Shoujo Cutie Are You?


From the "Soul Reaver" Series
What Video Game Villain Are You?


What anime hue are you?


Big and loyal
What's Your Anime Weapon?


Yabba Dabba Ho Ho Ho
What animated winter holiday character are you?

Prom Time Fun!
(5/2/03)
-sigh- well it is almost time for prom... only about half a day of prep left for that big day. I'm sooo nervous about it.. whether my hair and make up and nails will look good. will my dress fit ok (its being custom made)will i get sick or will my knee give out on me when we are dancing. those things and many more are on my mind and is making me want to go out of my mind. well that is all that i have to say.
~J-chan

quizes!
(4/29/03)

Well, ok.. You are a Balanced Geek! You see the sense in keeping up to date with the latest technology, and enjoy sci-fi purely as a form of entertainment. You have had the odd time where you are up all night in front of the computer- though overall you're a well balanced individual. Embrace the geek that's waiting to come out- that would be so l337! ©2002 http://internetjunk.co.uk

Happy Birthday to me...
(4/13/03)
Happy Birthday to me...Happy Birthday to me... yesterday I turned 18 oh wow, big deal.. not.. well when only about maybe ten people remember your birthday and only about four of them are friends it sucks i can name all the people that remembered. My b/f Jim, Sarah Gates, my mom, dad, brother, sister-in-law, uncle and grandpa and Laura from choir class remembered because Jim surprised me by asking Mrs. Belmont to have the class sing happy birthday to me. so oh wow not many outside of my family remembered, i would have thought that maybe more of my friends that i still have from my original bunch would have remembered and that the ones that i have met through Jim would have remembered as well since he teased me about it most of last week, when they were around, but that is not the case. I thank those that did remember. well that is all that i have to say except that i am very pale right now because i am getting sick, I know that Jim is worried and I am thankful that i have someone like him that is worried about me. i don't know if anyone else would be worried, but now all that read this will know and can do what they will with this information.
~J-chan

my inner self?

You are blue. You are somewhat innocent, in the fact that your genius only extends to the physical world. You have a false sense of contentness. You are usually the quiet one, the genius. Everyone can count on you to help when they have problems, but you only fall short of being able to solve your own.

What inner color are you?

Time Flies
(3/23/03)
I have been so busy in the past month that I haven't had the time to properly update my blog or do things like spend time with those that I care about. I have been trying to find a way to juggle school, family, friends and boyfriend, but it seems like by the time I can spend time with someone it is already too late for most of my friends to come out, that is *if* they aren't already either swamped with homework or are probably out with someone else so I don't even bother, I just call my boyfriend to come over for us to watch a movie together and just relax. relaxation with my boyfriend has been what has kept me grounded and kept away the feelings of loneliness and pain that I get from not seeing my friends, but they have already seemed like they needed a break from me so I have been giving them what I thought that they wanted even though it is killing me and so I spend more and more time with my boyfriend to fill up my weekends so that I don't have to be alone. Sometimes I feel like my world is going to crash down around me at any second. I'm tired of all this, but I don't know what to do, some of my "friends" more then likely hate me and they might be the ones that have been leaving the messages on my board. So I have gotten to where I can't take it anymore... I have thought about hurting myself a couple of times only to be calmed down and talked out of it by.. you guessed it.. my boyfriend, he was there when some of my "friends" were saying hateful and mean things about me and saying that I did something that I never did. It was because of someone saying that I spread rumors about them that made me leave and stay with my boyfriend where I am happy and protected and can be quiet as much as I want... I don't have to shout to get someone’s attention like I used to do before I met my boyfriend. What more can I say about this?
Now to come clean about something and to be hated and disowned even more by those that I called at one time... my friends. I am not a virgin anymore... I have had sex with my boyfriend and we decided as a couple for me to go on the shot so that we wouldn't have any chibis till after we were married. If I could go back in time to change something about that... I wouldn't I have no regrets about what we have done. I love him very much and will do anything for him. I am hoping to spend the rest of my life with him and wouldn't have it any other way.
There I have come clean so feel free to hate and disown me if you so choose. A friend is someone who sticks by your side no matter what. So if I have any of those left then feel free to talk to me if you choose, it will hurt me if you all disown me, but now that I have this off of my chest and out of my mind I feel so much better. So come what may at least I have someone that loves me that I know won't hurt me.
~J-Chan aka Archangel

A new beginning
It's official I am starting a new version.

~Forest guardian~
Pitas

~Bite Me~

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